Again

I have moved blogs, for the last and final time.  I just figured with the marriage and move and all, I needed a final lasting one.   So here’s the link-

www.jkristenwilliams.wordpress.com

 

Don’t know if I’m ready for this…

Well.  Here I sit… in my apartment in Carthage, NY surrounded by boxes.  I’m not really sure what to do next.  Having mom and dad here was great, but as we all know, all good things must come to an end.  So after leaving for the airport at 4:30AM, I’m back home (HOME?  Doesn’t seem that way quite yet) and overwhelmed.  My emotions have been all over the place this week.  Lord bless my Husband, it’s not that I don’t want to be here with him, it’s just the hard fact of being so far away from the familiar.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy- just a little homesick.

Oh, what I wouldn’t give for lunch at Bea’s with some great friends. 

Sometimes you just need a friend..

to sit and just ‘be’.  The most comforting thing is to have a friend just be there… no words are necessary.  A friend to cry with you, to hug you and to share the path with.  God knows what we need well in advance, and I know he placed certain people with us for a reason.  I am humbled by it all.. and I pray that I can be that kind of friend to you guys, just as you’ve been to me and my family.

“You had strength when I had none. You prayed God would bring me a brand new song, when I didn’t think I could find the strength to sing… You’ve been more than a friend to me, you fight off my enemies.  You have spoken truth over my life.  You’ll never know what it means to me, just to know you’ve been on your knees for me- Oh you’ve blessed my life, more than you’ll ever know!”  ~Watermark

In the midst all that’s going on, I am continually reminded of what a blessing good friends are.  God has placed some absolutely amazing people in our lives, and for that I am so much more than grateful.  It’s during the valley that we realize how desperately we all need one another.  I cannot explain the peace that comes from knowing that people are lifting you up in prayer.  I know that Ryan can feel those prayers. 

I am thankful to those of you who have continued to share our burden on this journey.  God has shined through your love and kindness and touched our hearts.  You are more than friends, you are our family.  What a blessing it is to have so many brothers and sisters!  I love all of you.

Can I stop having birthday’s now?

So. Today’s my Birthday!   I’m happy about that.  However, I’m NOT happy about being another year closer to 30.  Is it crazy that I’m already excited when people say I look younger than 26?!  Susan told me today she thought I was 23… heck yea!  3 years younger?  I’ll take it!  lol.  My grandpa says that once you reach his age, with each birthday you become a year younger instead of a year older.  lol… There’s something to make growing older seem better.  I suppose 26 isn’t so bad.

This next year will be full of changes; but I realized this past weekend how completely ready I am for those changes- due to an amazing person. I’m not sure how I become so lucky to have him in my life. 

Here’s to jumping in with both feet….

‘Jesus Made Me Puke’…. Seriously?!

Yes you read that right.  It was the title of an article/blog entry I read, http://blog.dmichaelclary.com/tag/biblical-masculinity/, I thought it was really good.  How often do we ‘play’ church?  How often are we singing praises to God out of habit and thinking about the ball game coming on after church?  Time for a wake up call.  Please read the following.

Matt Taibbi of Rolling Stone magazine published an article called Jesus Made Me Puke where he goes undercover to a church retreat in Texas to get a look under the hood of evangelical Christianity.

Here’s the accompanying photo.

Of course, while we are told to respect all religions and are spoon fed this “all paths lead to God” nonsense, Christianity is routinely treated with ridicule and contempt.

Taibbi could have gone to a church with some intellectual credibility, but he rather chose to go to the Christian circus that epitomizes evangelical cheese just to watch the Charismatic chaos.

He wasn’t disappointed.

Stay with me, I’ll get to the puke part in a minute.

Here’s the drill: he pretends to be a seeker and attends Cornerstone Church’s Encounter Weekend. That’s John Hagee’s church, and he is a Christian Zionist who wants to fast-track Armageddon so we can usher in God’s kingdom.

Taibbi’s a cherry picker who went after an easy target. But if you’ve ever wondered what honest skeptics wonder about Christianity, look no further. He is blunt in his assessments:

When most Americans think of the Christian right, they think of scenes from television – great halls full of perfectly groomed people in pale suits and light-colored dresses, smiling and happy and full of the Holy Spirit, robotically singing hymns at the behest of some squeaky-clean pastor with a baritone voice and impossible hair.

We don’t get to see the utterly bats**t world they live in, when the cameras are turned off and their pastors are not afraid of saying the really dumb stuff, for fear of it turning up on CNN. In American evangelical Christianity, in other words, there’s a ready-for-prime-time stage act – toned down and lip-synced to match a set of PG lyrics that won’t scare the advertisers – and then there’s the real party backstage, where the spiritual hair really gets let down. I was about to go backstage, to personally take part in the indoctrination process for a major Southern evangelical church.

What he discovers “backstage” is a level of weirdness that would qualify for a witch trial in an earlier generation. The main speaker for the Encounter weekend, Phillip Fortenberry, is an ex-military macho man who continually tells the audience how many manly pieces of military equipment he can handle.

This macho image is important for Fortenberry, because Christian men are weak. Taibbi tries to dress the part:

My disguise was modeled on other men I’d seen in church — pane glasses and the very gayest blue-and-white-striped Gap polo shirt I’d been able to find that afternoon. Buried on a clearance rack next to the underwear section in a nearby mall, the Gap shirt was one of those irritating throwbacks to the Meatballs/Seventies-summer-camp-geek look, but stripped of its sartorial irony, it really just screamed Friendless Loser! — so I bought it without hesitation and tried to match it with that sheepish, ashamed-to-have-a-p***s look I had seen so many other young men wearing in church. With the glasses and a slouch I hoped I was at least in the ballpark of what I thought I needed to look like, which was a slow-moving hulk of confused, shipwrecked masculinity, flailing for an Answer.

Shipwrecked masculinity. That’s what outsiders think of Christian men.

The program revolved around a theory that Fortenberry quickly introduced us to called “the wound.” The wound theory was a piece of schlock biblical Freudianism in which everyone had one traumatic event from their childhood that had left a wound. The wound necessarily had been inflicted by another person, and bitterness toward that person had corrupted our spirits and alienated us from God. Here at the retreat we would identify this wound and learn to confront and forgive our transgressors, a process that would leave us cleansed of bitterness and hatred and free to receive the full benefits of Christ.

Unfortunately, Christ was not very well presented as the solution. Pop-psychology ruled the day:

But as far as I could see, in the early going, most of what we were doing was simple pop-psych self-examination using New Age-y diagnostic tools of the Deepak Chopra school: Identify your problems, face your oppressors, visualize your obstacles. Be your dream job. With a little rhetorical tweaking and much better food, this could easily have been Tony Robbins instructing a bunch of Upper East Side housewives to “find your wounds” (”My husband hid my Saks card!”) at a chic resort in Miami Beach or the Hamptons.

He explains that Christians are actually faking their way through religious exercises.

The more you shout out praising the Lord, singing along to those awful acoustic tunes, telling people how blessed you feel and so on, the more a sort of mechanical Christian skin starts to grow all over your real self. Even if you’re a degenerate Rolling Stone reporter inwardly chuckling and busting on the whole scene – even if you’re intellectually enraged by the ignorance and arrogant prejudice flowing from the mouth of a terminal-ambition case like Phil Fortenberry – outwardly you’re swaying to the gospel and singing and praising and acting the part, and those outward ministrations assume a kind of sincerity in themselves. And at the same time, that “inner you” begins to get tired of the whole spectacle and sometimes forgets to protest – in my case checking out into baseball reveries and other daydreams while the outer me did the “work” of singing and praising. At any given moment, which one is the real you?

I think Taibbi is on to something here. In a religious environment such as this, where external conformity is paramount, one could find themselves easily slipping into a routine of conditioned responses to certain spiritual stimuli. We should be on guard against this.

For a brief, fleeting moment I could see how under different circumstances it would be easy enough to bury your “sinful” self far under the skin of your outer Christian and to just travel through life this way. So long as you go through all the motions, no one will care who you really are underneath.

Ironically, Taibbi is somewhat prophetic here. He is complaining about people who are, in Jesus’ words, “whitewashed tombs,” who clean the outside of a cup while the inside is still dirty. I think Jesus would agree with that last quote.

Back to Fortenberry. After this intense and protracted weekend full of gut wrenching and emotion inducing meetings and group counseling sessions, they reach the final climactic “Deliverance” service where they can finally receive the healing they came for.

His description sounds more like Voodoo than any variety of genuine Christianity. This is the puke part, by the way.

What happens next is this: Fortenberry starts to call out “demons” from the stage and casting them out. Demons of pornography, drugs, addiction, gossip, and so on. This continues for a long time as his voice escalates and people start to get worked up. Fortenberry instructs people to open their mouths so the demon can come out of them. He tells them to not pray, because they need to have a clear path for the demon to travel as it is passing out of them.

Life coaches are literally given barf bags to take to people who vomit out their demons.

Within about a minute after that, the whole chapel erupted in pandemonium. About half the men and three-fourths of the women were writhing around and either play-puking or screaming. Not wanting to be a bad sport, I raised my hand for one of the life coaches to see.

It was obvious that virtually everyone in the crowd was playacting to some degree or another.

Taibbi left the Encounter weekend with his notebook full of juicy anecdotes to share to Rolling Stone readers who I’m sure were all too eager to pass judgment on all of evangelical Christianity based on the behavior of these folks.

I have two responses to this.

First, Taibbi was wrong to target a church that would provide such fodder simply for the purpose of making fun. You can’t judge all of Rock music based on the burnt couches and trashed hotel room antics of Guns-N-Roses, and you can’t judge the truth claims of Christianity based on excessive and superstitious people who are deluded and worked into an emotional frenzy by a psycho-spiritual manipulator.

I would love to see the article that would be written after spending a weekend at a retreat with John Piper’s church, or RC Sproul’s church. If its Charismatics he likes to target, then go to Mark Driscoll’s church or to CJ Mahaney’s church.

These men are some spiritual heavyweights who are more interested in exalting the sovereign Christ than toying with the emotions of people with real needs.

Secondly, although I’m embarrassed by the goings on at the Encounter Weekend of Cornerstone Church, these men and women are my brothers and sisters in Christ. These people who are rolling in the aisles and foaming at the mouth and puking into demon bags are my brothers and sisters in Christ and I will proudly claim all of them. I will not be ashamed of those for whom Christ died. Their behavior is unacceptable, but they are God’s children.

If Taibbi wanted a freak show, that’s what he got.

But I have been pointing out for a long time on this blog the very fact that Jesus values things that are backwards.

Taibbi looks at these people and sees losers, posers, freaks, and idiots.

Jesus looks at these people and says:

“Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:11-12)

End of the Spear

That’s a fantastic movie by the way- I highly recommend it.

I ran across a quote by Jim Elliot that brought this movie to mind.  The movie is about the life of Jim Elliot, Nate Saint and the other amazing men on the journey with them.  The quote was this:

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose”

Jim Elliot did just that.  He gave up his life- which none of us can keep, it is not up to us to decide when we live or when we die.  He gained the glory of being in the presence of God and a home in Heaven- which will never be taken from him.

Jim Elliot is fairly well known, but in case you haven’t heard the story, I’ll enlighten you.  He was an amazing man, following God spiritually and physically.  He felt God calling him to Ecuador.  He had a desire to share the gospel and lead others to Christ.  Jim died trying to contact the Auca Indians in Ecuador.

You should know that the Auca Indians were a violent and murderous tribe.  Their initial contact with this tribe was encouraging, as they shared some modern things they had with them (balloons, pictures, balls, etc).  They even shared a dinner with a few members of the tribe. 

The next day they waited with anticipation to meet more members of the tribe.  Before making the trip from the beach where they had landed their plane to the village of the Aucas, they were attacked.  Although Jim and the men with him had brought firearms they had agreed not to use them unless absolutely necessary.  Even in the midst of being attacked, they did not use any weapon, not one Auca was injured.  The men lost their lives that day, sharing the gospel of Christ.

After their deaths, there were many conversions to Christ by the Indians of Ecuador.  Elisabeth (Jim’s wife) and daughter, Valerie, continued his mission.  They went to live and work with the tribe that had murdered Jim, Nate and the other men.  The forgiveness Elisabeth and Valerie showed these Indians brought many to Christ.

Even in the death of those amazing men, the seeds they had planted were growing.  I also recommend “Through Gates of Splendor” a book by Elisabeth Elliot.

I cannot fathom the kind of passion that would require.  Shamefully, I can say that I don’t think I have that kind of passion and drive. 

“God, I pray Thee, light these idle sticks of my life and may I burn for Thee. Consume my life, my God, for it is Thine. I seek not a long life, but a full one, like you, Lord Jesus.” ~Jim Elliot

Daily dose of Beth Moore :)

“Sometimes we fear that fighting for what is right will kill us. Then again, it occurs to us that to stand by and do nothing out of self-preservation is to be dead already.” -Beth Moore

When will the emotional roller coaster stop.. I don’t remember standing in line for this ride.

Seems like I’ve been going non-stop since last week!  The weekend was just as crazy.  Saturday was spent with my gorgeous cousins as they got ready for their Senior prom.  

Brandy, Bethany, and Brittany

I am blessed.  I have an amazing family.  These girls are some of my most favorite people in the world. 

Faith and I were able to catch up Saturday night and Sunday as well.  It was nice to see her.  She and I go way back- to the nursery in fact.    I decided to go to Mt. Pisgah for church Sunday night.. the place I grew up.  I was a little nervous, but that all faded as I walked in the doors.  I was greeted with so many hugs from so many people.  It’s nice to be in a place where ‘everybody knows your name’.

As usual, I’m dealing with issues of the heart today.  My emotions are running up and down.. ready for this roller coaster to stop.  Hmm.  Am I closed-minded?  And what does it even mean to be open-minded?  To be open to anything and everything?  Is it closed-minded to believe that Jesus is the one and only way to Heaven? That the Bible is absolute truth?  If so, then I must be closed-minded.  Because I don’t believe there is any other path than that.  I feel burdened and a soul sadness for some things I need to let go of… Sin, in a couple forms.

It’s time for some changes.  Lord, please help me.

Car Shopping?- not me, man!

I’ve been ‘car shopping’ lately, and I can’t believe how stressful and exhausting it has been!  My first time purchasing a car on my own, using only my credit- and what an experience so far!  When I got the Saturn back in ’04, things went so smoothly… The people were super nice, and willing to work with me until the price came down to what I could afford.  I would rate it as a 10 on the chart of good experiences at a dealership.  I recently went to Economy Honda (HIGHLY UNRECOMMENDED) to look for a car.  I would rate them as a big fat zero.  I can’t believe how pressured I felt to purchase one of their cars, the salesman and manager were very inconsiderate.  It was crazy!  I was more upset over the way the employees at Honda acted than I was about walking away from buying the car.  Sad thing being that I could have afforded- and would have most likely signed for- a brand new Honda Civic, but because of their attitudes they completely lost the sale.  Oh well.

Later that night, I ended up at Walter Jackson Chevrolet (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED).  I would most definitely rate them a 10 on the scale.   They were nothing less than wonderful.  Completely honest, upfront, and not pushy at all.  I told them I wanted to think about it, and they totally supported my decision.  They were so kind, I actually wanted to buy the car right then and there!  The financial manager sat down with me, going over options; he was even able to tell me my credit score (which I was floored by how ‘almost’ excellent it was)  and go over my credit history with me.  He was so patient.    However, I am being cautious and completely thoughtful about this, so I’m thinking things over.

It just makes me realize how different everyone’s morals are.  Some people are cut-throat business men (and women) while others care more about the person than the sell.  All I can say for that is “you catch more flies with honey”.

So, there’s an experience for the records.  I will drive my next car until the wheels fall off… I see why some people do not trade or purchase new cars often- because the whole process is harsh.  Not to mention the fact that I get attached to my vehicles.  I remember the way I felt leaving my cute little Sassy Spyder at the dealership when I bought the Saturn (Sassy #2).  I guess naming my car was giving an object human characteristics.  And I was hoping that her next owner treated her well… yes, I said ‘her’.  I’m sure I’ll feel the same when I leave the Saturn for a new car as well.    Silly.

This is what I’m checking out:

2008 Pontiac G6

2009 Honda Civic LX

2008 Mitsubishi Eclipse GS

 

 

 

What if we all are ready?!

So I know that I usually almost always use lyrics from songs to produce my blog posts.    I love music, what can I say?!  And I really love DC Talk… or what used to be DC Talk.  I made a little song list (Godsend, Just Between You and Me, Jesus Freak, Since I Met You, etc).   that plays repeatedly during the day, and I found a song that I haven’t heard in a very long time.  It’s called “I wish we’d all been ready”… the lyrics are as follows:

Life was filled with guns and war
And all of us got trampled on the floor
I wish we’d all been ready
The children died, the days grew cold
A piece of bread could buy a bag of gold
I wish we’d all been ready

(chorus)
There’s no time to change your mind
The Son has come and you’ve been left behind

A man and wife asleep in bed
She hears a noise and turns her head he’s gone
I wish we’d all been ready
Two men walking up a hill
One disappears and one’s left standing still
I wish we’d all been ready

There’s no time to change your mind
The Son has come and you’ve been left behind

The father spoke, the demons died
How could you have been so blind?

There’s no time to change your mind
The Son has come and you’ve been left behind.”

I know, sad song.  It’s reality though.  One day Christ will return, ready or not!  I am ashamed of myself, I can’t tell you the last time I talked to someone about my relationship with Christ (someone who isn’t a believer).  I think if we could ever grasp how horrifying Hell is, we would be knocking down doors to try to show people the truth of the Word of God.  The continuous burning, the Lake of Fire, the smell of burning flesh, sulfur… I have a whole new ache in my heart for those who haven’t heard, or don’t know about Jesus Christ… or who are still searching for truth.  I know the TRUTH!  Why am I not sharing it?!  I’ve heard someone say before, “if you had the cure for Cancer, you’d share it wouldn’t you, to save lives?!”  Jesus is the ultimate cure, and I (we) are being silent!! 

I have a friend, whom I admire very much.  She came by yesterday and we were talking about missions.  There’s a mission trip she’s planning to go on, and she was telling me the details of how she made the decision to go.  A friend was telling her about the trip and said, “It might be a little dangerous!”.. and my dear friend’s response was, “Really?  I’m in!”  What would it be like to have that kind of passion, to look at danger and say, “Sign me up! I’ll run towards the danger if it means reaching just one more for Jesus!”  I want that kind of Passion, that kind of love for someone I may have never even met.